Two robbers steal an ambulance after their heist goes awry.
Chuck says:
One of the reasons cigarette maker Phillip Morris was held liable in tobacco lawsuits was that it was proved the company knowingly produced and promoted a product that was harmful to the user. The same argument could be made against Universal Pictures and its new film “Ambulance.” Surely, the execs there must know that anyone unfortunate enough to see this astoundingly bad movie would lose an inordinate amount of brain cells by witnessing something so repetitively stupid.
The latest from director Michael “I never met a tripod I couldn’t ignore” Bay is the typical sort of mayhem we’ve come to expect from the master of senseless mayhem, but far dumber than his past output. I know that with five “Transformers” movies to his credit, this is a bold statement, but I stand by it.
Danny Sharp (Jake Gyllenhaal) is a bank robber who has pulled off 36 successful heists and is about to embark on another. He recruits his adoptive brother Will (Yahya Abdul-Mateen) to help. As a forgotten war veteran who can’t cut through government red tape to get aid for his ailing wife, Will reluctantly goes along.
It comes as no surprise that they and their requisite crew of eccentrics botch the job and soon Danny and Will have hijacked an ambulance to make their getaway. Problem is, EMT Cam Thompson (Eiza Gonzalez) is on board trying to save the life of a cop Will shot.
Miraculously, these two are able to careen around Los Angeles for an entire day without being stopped. They don’t run into any traffic on the city’s perpetually jammed highways, they never have to get gas and none of L.A.’s finest are smart enough to shoot out the vehicle’s tires, form a blockade of moving vehicles around it to slow it down or even lay out a spike strip to stop it.
And this is just the tip of the stupidity iceberg Bay lays out. Stop and think about this — if Danny has pulled off 36 successful robberies, were they Mom-and-Pop savings and loans where he only netted like a couple thousand bucks each time? And can someone tell me how a man with two bullets in him and a ruptured spleen is able to sit up and have a lucid conversation while someone else who’s merely shot in the shoulder goes into cardiac arrest and is on the brink of death?
Oh, and then we get the inventive plot twist that the lead FBI agent on the case just happens to know Danny! Apparently, they went to school together. I know it’s a small world, but still …
And by the way, these are the dumbest bank robbers in the world, walking around in broad daylight with no masks on. Surely, no one will be able to ID them in this age of constant surveillance. And really, should I count how many times Cam had a chance to take these two guys out from the inside and put a stop to this mess?
Look, every movie is allowed a certain amount of stupid. The viewer knows they have to allow for a few things to occur on screen that may not happen in real life so that the story can be told. Our suspension of disbelief is a trust we grant filmmakers, but it shouldn’t be abused to the point that we feel foolish or insulted. Bay has never adhered to this, but his disregard for simple logic here is egregious. Profoundly stupid, “Ambulance” isn’t a movie but rather an example of cinematic abuse, as Bay bludgeons and insults the audience with wanton disregard.
Zero Stars
Pam says:
“Ambulance,” the new Michael Bay film (that should be a clue right there as to whether or not you want to waste your money on this one) stars Jake Gyllenhaal (Danny Sharp) and Yahya Abdul-Mateen II (Will Sharp) as two estranged brothers, reunited to complete a bank heist. It’s a dizzying (think carsick) foray filled with never-ending car chase scenes, incompetent police officers, medical inaccuracies that even a child would notice, and, of course, Bay’s signature style of constant explosions. By the end, with your head between your knees to hold back the natural reaction, it’s a race to the exit as you try to recapture your lost 2 hours and 11 minutes … to no avail.
To read Pam’s review in its entirety, go to RHR
